How to Get Rid of Pants Bulge: Fanny Fashion

Bulging pants are not something you should flaunt in public. Sure, it will bring you attention–but you don’t need to have a banana in your pocket or a wedgie in skinny jeans to get some unsightly mounds and tumors emerging from your pantalones. Witness the the overstuffed sadness coming from these shorts without the pouch:

The mystery bumps are revealed to be keys, the usually slimming iPhone, wallet, gum, chapstick, coins, and earbuds. While a bit much for two thighs to handle, the hip equipped with a hands-free satchel can handle these and more.

It’s unfair that men are restricted to packing their daily life into four pockets of their jeans. I, for one, have been restricted to the front two because I’m avoiding a sore spine and a case of hunchback sciatica from my wallet. Women have purses, gay men sport man-purses, and a businessperson has a briefcase. Where does that leave the cyclist, the concert-goer, or the runway model?

Think fanny pack. Love it or hate it, it has magical powers. It’s practical. It’s an accessory that put’s your much needed (or abundantly prepared) gear at your fingertips without the clutter. Even high fashion offers expensive designer belly bags such as Gucci and Coach, and Sea of Shoes gals even show off some cool ones. Say goodbye to chunks in the trunks– it’s fanny time.

Take a load off Fannie, take a load for free;
Take a load off Fannie, and you can put the load right on me.

–”The Weight” by The Band

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